When he’s holding my hand, soft and warm. 

Keeping a strong hold on my back as we walk so I know he’s there, 

To keep me safe, secure, still standing in his side. 

The hours of words he manicures and perfects so that I could glimpse a particle of how much of his world is me. 

How could I ever be so lucky? 

To know he won’t go to bed without hearing my goodnights,

Checking my tea wasn’t too cold so I’ll sleep through the night. 

He wants to know why I painted over the canvas on the floor, then painted over it again. 

You are the brightness of my day, a fire running over every inch of my skin 

Such a soft burn I didn’t realize i was choking on your smoke. 

 Because it’s 5 months later, you’re not here. 

5 months of not thinking about you every open minute of my day. 

20 weeks of not checking if you somehow got a message through those blocked pages. 

140 days of not looking for your car every time lights pass my bedroom window Because you won’t be there with your hand on my neck, holding me until we meld into something new. 

3,360 hours of not listening to my favorite song so I don’t feel your breath on my lips. 

5 months. Of being fine, of living in my head but not just surviving

Learning that I can fall in love with myself again. 

Sit in the sun till it soaks so thoroughly through my skin I melt into the ground. 

5 months of no flowers, no stupid jokes in the car, and no “can I read you this book?”   

Such a gentle time, so slow and soft. 

Today on my way to work it was there, after all that time. 

I cried. 

Because that stupid song came on just to remind me

 It’s been 5 months without you, and I still look out my bedroom window wishing we could talk. 

I wish you missed me too. 

Because I was “perfect”. The perfect girl, your twin flame, the perfect partner. But not The One.